Two Amusing Messages Sent To Me Last Year, Posted To This Web Site Without The Author’s Permission Because She Would Surely Not Give It


Mail # 897 (February 2, 2003)


if you’re still feeling crappy, i think this will cheer you up:

today: i saw a black squirrel frantically eating berries out of a mulberry (?) tree. he was chewing so recklessly that pieces of berries were flying all over and b/c he wanted them all so badly, he chased after every little lost piece, sort of bouncing and tumbling around in the branches.

when i had to leave, after about seven minutes, he was still eating.


please purchase: arab strap, “philophobia” (February 3, 2003)


this video store job is in fact better than the one i initially applied for–if only b/c i didn’t have to exert any effort to get it. a depressed boy named michael offered it to me and i really hope that this doesn’t mean i will have to listen to him mope. hugs freak me out and he’s certainly not getting any.

you’re in luck–i actually deliver a strange and mysterious new food known as a “calzone.” i assume that it will be messy, trying to explain that i deliver pizza but not, pizza but folded in two, and am therefore going to simply refer to myself as a pizza delivery girl.

your story of the tuxedo was good, impressive even, esp. when i imagined you as owen wilson. i think you made it up, though.

glad you are feeling better.

if you were rich, would you pay me to cuddle w. kittens for eight hours a day?


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