An Autobiographical Account

by Zach BROWN
 

Born in Lafayette, Indiana in the mid 1980’s, I was fast to mature and take on great tasks. By the age of 3, I was already 6’2” and ruling Nepal, a small country in southern Asia, with an iron fist. I managed to save the nation from imminent economic failure as I established a good trading relationship with much of Europe, and proceeded to establish a multiparty democracy within the framework of a constitutional monarchy. Called back to the soft hills of Indiana, I arrived in ‘91 to my native land, where I advised President Bush on foreign affairs while he stayed at my home during trips to cities around the area. This was not a high point in my life, as one could tell.

After my long stint in politics, I decided to go into a field that may help the world. This field was technology. I teamed with a very ambitious Bill Gates of Microsoft Corp. to plan and develop what would later be tagged Windows 95. This was the first practical operating system for the personal computer, and though I played an instrumental part in the development and marketing of the product, I declined meetings with the press and even to have my picture taken. This was a dark time in my life and though my achievements were many, the pressure of being an eight year old ex-political icon/software developer and one of the greatest minds of our time really began to weigh upon my spirit. I sought the only true place that was home to me: Lafayette, Indiana. Upon returning, I enrolled in Lincoln Elementary, where I studied for the next 2 years. I worked in my spare time as a tutor and a lifeguard at the local swimming pool, where I saved lives daily and was a constant in the local news reports. Many revered me as the hero of mankind, and though this was immensely flattering, it was also a bit creepy and I often found myself changing phone numbers every 4.6 days. This was not the way I wanted to live.

Seeking shelter after a teary goodbye to my family and friends after making what may have been the toughest decision in my life; I moved to Northwest Africa and changed my identity. I was now a new man. A one Bret K. Shepard. Upon arrival, I began work at a small village hospital in Mauritania where the Fula Macina tribe settled and continued on my journey to save and enrich the lives of those around me. I earned no pay, but was given proper shelter and food to survive. I found the people of Fula Macina to be very grateful and a welcoming and intelligent group of people, though they were far behind the times in things such as agriculture. I introduced them to many technologies and taught them how to properly plow fields to gain the most efficiency.

Feeling homesick, I returned home, though under my new identity, and was home schooled by my uncle, a former Oxford professor and correspondent for Radio Free Europe. I began to immerse myself in new opportunities and hobbies, growing tired of the things I had been interest in when a young boy. I was growing up now, almost 7’3” and 12 years old. I found an immediate interest in archeology and began to organize my very own expeditions to Belize, Jordan, and the most successful, Jerusalem, where I found many old artifacts which now lie in the London Museum of Archeology.

Reminiscing one night in front of a fire with my grandfather, a Nobel Prize winner in the field of Physiology and Medicine, my thoughts wandered to my days in Nepal and Mauritania and yearned for them. That night, I began work on what would become my first and greatest publication. It was to be a non-fiction work of my days in the beautiful desert of Mauritania and my wonderful yet hectic time in Nepal. After releasing the book, I began a worldwide tour that took me everywhere from Sydney, Australia to Amsterdam, Netherlands to Los Angeles, California. I did not tour Asia or Africa with the book, but I did arrange to visit Mauritania in May of ‘01 and stayed there for 8 months, taking in the country’s rich sights and smells. In July ‘01, 2 months into my stay, I invited Vice President Cheney to stay with me for a few weeks and he graciously accepted, though only stayed for 2 weeks, stating he had much too much work to do to vacation any longer. In January of 2002, I made my way to Mons, Belgium, a famous site of World War I, and am currently still enjoying a prosperous and relaxing stay here, occasionally filling in for Ed O’Brien, guitar player of the internationally known band, Radiohead, when they are on tour and he can not make it. I am considering a starring role in the upcoming remake of Rocky I-IV, (no, no Rocky V) but I think time constraints and a lack of motivation to make a comeback to the mainstream will stop me in the end.

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