How You Might’ve Found Johnny America #13: July, 2004

Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.
  • We had 932 visitors seeking “armin meiwes,” the famous German cannibal. Google, inexplicably, ranks J.A. a better source than CNN on this tasty topic.
  • Seven people found us through the query “i fucked my sister,” nineteen “fucking my sister,” twelve were looking for “i fuck my sister,” three searched for “i want my sister in bed,” and two for “my sister is hot.” There were dozens of variants. “my brother and i fucked my sister” was one of the more disturbing, “my sister my slut” the most lyrical, and “i fuck my sister help” the only query that pointed toward a searcher looking to end their strange love interest. Boys and girls, johnnyamerica dot net declares incest Bad News. One fellow found our site by searching for “pictures of the perfect girls to cuddle”—now that’s a man who loves things Sweet and Healthy and Legal.
  • Why “nigga pweeze” turned up J.A. is a mystery. Pweeze!?
  • The search “holley wood nude stars”disappoints on many levels.
  • “i fucked my sister and she fucking loved it,” while part of the rather disturbing trend, showed a refreshing confidence that many modern (“sensitive”) men lack.
  • We’re not sure what “mummified toes drinking club” is, but we want to go.
  • We love “hot bitches on mini bikes” too, and hope whoever was looking found.
  • Sadly, J.A. holds no “pigeon love poems,” but we strongly encourage submissions.
  • The query “get the shirt like audioslave has on the show me how to live music video,” while lengthy, makes no sense to our feeble little brains.
  • Someone found this site my looking for “mark brown is a handsome man.” We suspect it was Brown, or his wife.
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