Just Ask James: Small Penis

What’s great about James Spillane is that if you have a question about how to drunkenly punch someone in the face, start a huge bar fight, have the cops come, then make it look like the person that you punched is at fault because you are mentally handicapped, he knows the answer.

Dear James,

My boyfriend is overweight and has a small penis. Should I stay with him?

Amber Kiker

Dear Amber Kiker,

I am very glad that you asked this question because I am quite positive a large percentage of Johnny America readers are both overweight and lacking in penis size. First, let’s start by pointing out some very important facts that I think you should know.

* Chlamydia (pronounced: kluh-mid-ee-uh) is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is caused by bacteria called Chlamydia trachomatis, so seek medical assistance immediately and have a qualified Johnny America reader swab your vagina.

* The longest river in the world is the Nile. The second longest river in the world is Amazon.com.

* Lions have the largest Irises of any mammal, therefore, they can see better in the dark.

Taking these very important facts into consideration, I believe you should stay with your fat in the belly, small in the smelly boyfriend of yours. Also, I would like to add that, being your boyfriend, my advice is in bias and not always rational. Enjoy reading Johnny America. I hate your hair and I hope you die.

James Spillane

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