Acceptable Reasons that Aaron Grill Might Provide for Blowing Me Off Last Night

by Emily LAWTON
 

Aaron Grill and I made plans on Sunday to meet on Monday, for coffee or drinks as we pleased. However, Aaron Grill failed to answer his telephone, nor to respond to two messages I left him. Here are some excuses I would accept:

  1. Had to get a leg amputated.
  2. Forgot standing appointment with his psychic, Raven.
  3. Happened to meet Steve Buscemi, and the two of them drank whiskey and played pool until Aaron passed out under the table.
  4. Was paid several thousand dollars plus to ignore me, predicting that I would forgive him once the money was split equally between us.
  5. Inexplicable rash.
  6. His mom was in town.
  7. Attacked by rabid squirrel, spent night in hospital receiving painful abdominal injections.
  8. Kidnapped.
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