Animals I Might Have Sex With, If I Were Trapped on an Island Without Hope Of Rescue, In Order From Least-Likely to Most


  • ‘Babyluv,’ Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou
  • Manatee (only if drunk)
  • Sedated koala (cute, but so feisty!)
  • Tie: Red Ruffed Lemur, Fat-Tailed Dwarf Lemur, Ring-tailed Lemur
  • Lion
  • Bonobo (female only, no fatties)
  • Bigfoot / Yeti (should they prove to exist)
  • Alaotran Gentle Lemur (seems sensitive to my needs)
  • Garfield
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