It was a slow day, for the most part.

“Do you have Meathole Hookers 3?”

I looked up. Someone was in the store? I blinked and cocked my head off to the side, and looked at him with one eye open wider than the other. I wondered what he could possibly want.

“Are you going to check the computer?” he asked.

I replied without waiting.

“We don’t have it.” I reached under the counter and pulled out a box labelled ‘Juli Ashton’s Pussy’, “can i interest you in a latex vagina, sir?”

He smacked the box out of my hand and it went careening across the store and into the wall of gay/bi/trans DVDs, almost knocking down the cardboard cutout of marc anthony propped up in the corner, his broad smile welcoming all and judging none.

“That was completely uncalled for, sir, ” I said.

He stared at me with eyes like coin slots. He began to open his mouth. I cut him off.

“I’m employee of the month!” I shouted.

He stared daggers at me as his head turned purple. I stared back. So there we were, in the middle of the afternoon, staring at each other, having some sort of ridiculous mexican standoff. He snapped.

“I’m taking this with me!” he shouted as he reached over to his left. He efficiently removed the Employee of the Month wall plaque and stormed out. I ran over to the window overlooking the street to see him briskly walk to the center of the street where he was hit by a bus. I locked the door and ran down stairs. Already, there was a number of people crowding around the scene. I looked around, and there it was, not more than five feet from the body; the Employee of the Month plaque. I ran over to it and picked it up. I went back upstairs and hung it back on the wall where it belonged. I went back behind the counter and sat down in the stolen leather chair and turned on the television set. MacGyver was just beginning.

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