Dieting with Jesus

Dear Plaid Press,

I am inquiring if you would be interested in publishing a book of mine entitled Dieting with Jesus. It describes a method for losing weight based on New Testament Scripture. This book is sure to quickly become a bestseller and a big money maker for Plaid Press.

Sincerely,

Reverend Curtis Fuller

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Dear Reverend Fuller,

We are interested in learning more about your book, Dieting with Jesus. As you may know, books on Christian topics are very popular now, and dieting books have been a staple with the American reading public for many decades. It is, however, customary in non-fiction book proposals for the author to include an outline or perhaps a table of contents of his work. I am curious how you have woven your subjects together.

Regards,

Howard Plum, Acquisitions Editor

Plaid Press

PS: You may want to check your writing for split infinitives.

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Dear Mr. Plum,

Here is the table of contents for the book that I have been working on. Thank you for the suggestion. This will certainly make writing the book much easier. The following list is by no means complete, just something to begin with:

The Lamb of God: Hold the mint jelly!

Jesus in the Dessert: Get thou behind me, Satan!

The Fish and the Loaves: Divide, not multiply!

Wine into Water: A calorie-saving miracle!

The Last Supper: Braking the bread!

Walking on Water: 30 minutes a day to a new you!

Sincerely,

Reverend Fuller

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Dear Reverend Fuller,

Thank you for sending us your table of contents. However, before we make a decision regarding any non-fiction book proposal, we like to know the credentials of the author. Please tell us about yourself and your qualifications to write this book.

Regards,

Howard Plum, Acquisitions Editor

Plaid Press

PS: You may want to check your writing for sentences ending in prepositions.

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Dear Mr. Plum,

As a Baptist minister and the son of a Methodist minister, you couldn’t find anyone more qualified to write a book like this. However, the divinity school I attended, Charismatic College of California, is no longer in existence, having had it’s accreditation revoked.

I have spent many years in churches, several of them behind the pulpit. If you would like a personal reference, you may contact Mrs. Mildred Cricket, the former wife of the deacon of the last church where I was pastor. She can be contacted at the same address you use to reach me.

I have an unparalleled knowledge of Scripture, especially Psalms 32:1, Proverbs 17:28, and Romans 7:24.

Sincerely,

Reverend Fuller

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Dear Reverend Fuller,

In these days of tightening budgets for publishing houses, it has become increasingly important for authors to assume responsibility for their own publicity. If we were to publish your book, it would be necessary for you to go on an extended author’s tour, lecturing and holding book-signing events. The tour might also include television appearances.

Would you be able to take time away from your current responsibilities to go on such a trip?

Regards,

Howard Plum, Acquisitions Editor

Plaid Press

PS: You may want to check your writing for dangling modifiers and the correct form of the possessive for the word it.

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Dear Mr. Plum,

Their is no one more willing to hit the road and lecture than me, as I am currently in between church assignments. However, I must confess that with all the idol time I have had (mentally, of course, working very much diligently on my book), I have let myself go a bit. Right now I am two hundred ten, which is a bit over the desired wait for a man of my height (five two). I hope this won’t be a problem, especially considering this is a diet book.

Sincerely,

Reverend Fuller

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Dear Reverend Fuller,

I am pleased to inform you that Plaid Press has agreed to publish Dieting with Jesus. We have a sub-editor who will develop a book outline and a very talented team of ghostwriters to complete the manuscript. In addition, our in-house publicist will construct a list of impressive credentials for you and elicit celebrity testimonials. We even have contracted with an outside talent agency to hire a slim, attractive actor to stand in for you on the book tour.

Please find attached our standard author contract. As an advance on your royalties, I have enclosed a check for $50,000 and a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style.

Regards,

Howard Plum, Acquisitions Editor

Plaid Press

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