How You Might’ve Found Johnny America #35: July, 2006

Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.
  • What we wonder about the person who searched for, “in my ass massage asian,” is whether their interest is in receiving vigorous anal Shiatsu or performing a massage on an Asian, using their ass as both the location and method of massage delivery. Imagine such an ass.
  • Someone wrote, “what do women say is a small penis,” so we asked the people drinking Cab-Sav in the living room. Emily said, “three inches in tiny, but four is pretty small too.” Brandon said, “if I had a four inch dick I’d cut it off, ‘cause what’s the point.” Brandon’s position may seem extreme, but it’s not without merit.
  • According to our reports, about dozen people searched for variations on, “christian books about dieting.” Do Christians have different caloric requirements than Muslims and Jews, we wondered. Maybe if you’re blessed with stigmata and oozing the sanguine you use up a few extra kilojoules, but just praying to the big face in the sky can’t take too much energy.
  • It seems strange that someone looking for, “picture of girl piercing in her girl part,” wouldn’t be more explicit, unless they didn’t know the proper name for the “girl part” they had in mind.
  • A “fox fur fetish,” sounds vaguely erotic; something we’ll look in to. Also: good name for a gothabilly band, perhaps.
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