How You Might’ve Found Johnny America #36: October, 2006

Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.
  • There were a number of searches related to Halloween costumes this month. “Nazi halloween outfits” [not recommended] was one of the more memorable, as was “pectoral costume” [highly recommended].
  • Further, to the person who searched for the phrase “he should be a french maid for halloween,” we agree, and hope you succeed in convincing him. Please do send photos.
  • Though this was obviously a typo, there’s something intriguing about the query “brother and sister insect fucked.” We’ve heard it said that there’s a website for every fetish, but feel that invertebrate porn is, so far, an untapped market. For the record, backdoormantis.com is still available.
  • The person who searched for “menu for polish thanksgiving meal” should perhaps remember that there weren’t any Jankowskis on the Mayflower, and that Polish food is bland and uninspiring.
  • If you were the one looking for “johnny america sex,” thank you, we are very flattered.
  • New York can be a cold, heartless city, so we heartily commend the person who submitted “buy sea monkeys kits new york city” to a search engine. Hopefully your new friends will help keep the loneliness at bay.
  • And, as winter approaches, we remind our readers to be careful around ice and spilled drinks, so as to avoid desperate searches like “they tripped her and her skirt” and the concisely eloquent “shoes no traction slipped fell.”
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