Tom Conoboy Knows the Answers # 4

by Tom CONOBOY
 

Tom Conoboy, whose designer pants cradle his ass like a orange in its peel, and whose claims to have been a librarian are suspicious as he never cites sources, occasionally agrees to answer the queries of the JA staff and entourage. The following is his latest wisdom:

Q. On the television situation comedy Night Court starring Harry Anderson, criminals (mainly prostitutes, if I remember correctly) were brought in immediately–at night, when they were ostensibly arrested–to appear before the court. Is there such a thing as a late-night or 24-hour court?

_______________________________
 

Late-night, 24 hour courts are a new fad imposed by governments in an attempt to look tough on crime (tough on the causes of crime.) Late night UK sessions were piloted in 2002 in Manchester (because being Mancunian is, in itself, only a short step away from being a crime) and in Bow Street Magistrates Court in London. This was mainly to accommodate Japanese tourists who, as part of their holiday experience, wanted to photograph each other being arraigned and sent down in the second most famous court in the whole of England (the Old Bailey being reserved for purely domestic miscarriages of justice.)

Naturally, with Prime Minister Blair showing how tough he is, his old chum President Bush had to show an even tougher face, and the era of the American drive-thru, free fries after 3 am, double jeopardy our speciality, 24 hour, hang ‘em high court service was born.

Some sources suggest that, due to phenomenal and rising crime levels, the service was first established in Midtown North Precinct, close to the New York home of Naomi Campbell, but this is probably a scurrilous rumour.


editors’ note: on your next visit to New Orleans, we urge you to visit Harry Anderson’s magic shop Sideshow, and pick up a two-headed duckling for us.

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