How You Might’ve Found Johnny America #47: June, 2010

Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.
  • Thomas Pynchon’s Against the Day was alternately wild and wearing to read, but it’s hard to fathom listening to the fifty-five hour audio file of the book, as the searcher hunting for an “against the day torrent” had in mind. Just thinking about it makes the shotgun in the closet tempting.

  • We’re curious about the “advantages of sexual harassment.” Does a pinch on the ass give some people luck, like enslaving a leprechaun?

  • To the fellow who asked Google, “my ex-girlfriend left her couch at my place for a year, is it still hers?” The answer is no: its ownership transferred to you after six months according to the Common Law Rule of Dibs. If she demands it back, feel free to inform her the couch lives a more fully-actualized life under your care and that custody’s been legally transferred.

  • Be warned, your girlfriend might be the searcher who wants to, “punch them in the face and see what happens!” Stay vigilant.

  • We have no idea “what cigarettes does Noah Wylie smoke,” but we do recall reading once that he was drawn to acting because of the opportunities to, “kiss pretty girls and smoke cigarettes,” which we find profoundly respectable.

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