If you and I ever say hello to one another after a bit of uncomfortable eye contact, and then we run into each other again at Dominick’s lingering over the peaches, and once again later that same week at Starbucks, and if you and I, after that meeting, decide to meet on purpose, like on a date, say for a Coen Brothers movie or dinner at an Italian place you’ve always loved but whose name I can’t pronounce, and then after that we have tea at an authentic Indian tea shop, and tell each other stories about how we got our scars, and then during the pleasant hand-in-hand walk to my car after the tea shop closes, you invite me to your house to spend the night, please be aware that when we get there, I will pee in your shower. I just want to be honest with you.

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